Omniverse: When Astronauts Return!

Space travel is great. While privatization of such an activity is now under way with trips to Mars and assisting the International Space Station are terrific strides in the proper direction, a little publicized side effect from which astronauts suffer is how their bodies react when returning to a gravity rich (not an actual term) environment.

Once their missions were completed and again on Terra firma, these astronauts who suffer from Facialis Inversionem. A mostly true collection of "facts".

 


Richard R. Arnold II was born Richard Arrrrnold but had to change his name when it became apparent that he would affect great change in our society. As a toddler, he studied as an Oceanographic Technician at the U.S. Naval Academy; a modest  but auspicious beginning. At the tender age of eight, he spent a number of months working in education while he furthered his own schooling, acquiring a masters degree in the process. During that time he established a colony on the bottom of the Pacific Ocean to better research biostratigraphy and grow his army of sentient hippopotamus-sized krill. Between 1990 and 2003, he set jets around the world contributing to education by teaching in a language of his own devising so to challenge, entertain and empower his students.

In 2004, NASA chose him to be a Mission Specialist where he was strapped into a Real Orb of Virtuality Encountering, or R.O.V.E., so that he could remotely liaise with our subterranean colony on Mars. In 2006, he was ready for the real thing and completed his Candidacy for the Training of Astronauts. His training included, T-38 training, wilderness survival specifically geared towards the Martian surface and how to effectively treat Space Madness. Within 3 years he completed further Aquanautical training and had been blasted into space for reals. His "official" mission was to "deliver the final pair of power-generating solar array wings and truss element to the International Space Station." In actuality, he was really just there to install brainwave amplification prisms that harness the power of thought.


Dr. Kate (Kathleen) Rubins graduated from high school in 1996 as the only student to simultaneously serve as the president of the student body as well as the principal of the school. Three years later in 1999 she received a B.S. in the Biology of Molecules from U.C., San Diego. 6 short years (based on the lunar calendar) after that she received a Ph.D. in the Biology of Cancer from a little, off-the-beaten-path school called Stanford University.

 

While she was in pre-school she began work researching HIV-1 at the Salk Institute. She discovered that, while impractical on a case-by-case basis, she could cure HIV/AIDS using her D&D V3.5 paladin ability "Lay on Hands". A more practical method was to study the entire genome of the virus paying close attention to Integrase inhibitors the virus uses. She also spends her spare time investigating other infectious diseases and how a fleet of microscopic nano-automatons (Nano-tomatons) can be used to eliminate them.

She was selected for the pilot program where astronauts are chosen by feats of strength, gladiator-style. She ousted 13 other candidates in a challenge where the first to eliminate the competition in a race to the top of a scale Empire State Building where they had to reenact the sequence from King Kong.

Now, you may have some questions about how Kate came to suffer the ill effects ofFacialis Inversionem. I've taken the trouble to address your concerns in a mock conversation (mockversation).

 

Reader: "She hasn't gone to space, why is she suffering from such a debilitating disfigurement?"  

Cameron: "Facialis Inversionem is contagious."

Reader: "Wait, hasn't she spent decades studying infectious diseases?"

Cameron: "Yes, she spent years analyzing advanced vectors and transmission methods utilized by microbiological organisms. What she failed to consider was the simple process of sharing a glass with a fellow astronaut was all this affliction needed. That and this isn't caused by an organism, simply returning to Earth after a stint in space causes the muscles in the face to invert."

 


Commander G. Reid Wiseman

In 1975, G. Reid Wiseman (the G. stands for genius) engineered his own escape from his mothers womb. Through a series of encoded missives, he was able to communicate with his mothers obstetrician and was born without her knowledge as she slept solidly throughout the night. To briefly telescope his academic prowess, he graduated from high school at the normal age of 18.

 Much of the period between high school and the receipt of his masters is lost or redacted by the Secret World Government. That being said, it has been revealed that three pivotal things occurred during this interregnum:

  • He invented a new, hyper-potent form of air.
  • He perfected French crêpes. 
  • He farms his own mutant strain of indigo that is used to dye all NASA space suits. 

If the funding works out, come June 2014, Commander Wiseman will be visiting the International Space Station for a classified mission. This mission will have him lead a squad of elite astro-SEALS to eliminate a sentient plant species code named: Audrey^2.